In the last month or so 3 of my friends have wed, 2 are now engaged, 1's just had a baby and 2 have fallen pregnant. ( which is horse crap, no falling is involved. alcohol may impede your balance but it sure doesn't render you unable to tell the difference between sex and falling - although both can give you carpet burns, the similarities end there ) I'm gonna go ahead and assume the latter will result in 2 more (completely wanted) weddings. Which could all be because normal, provided I wasn't 22...but I am. So what the hell is going on? I pick shoes and hardware over babies and weddings. Now because I'm also female I automatically assume I must be flawed. And then, 30 seconds pass and I stop thinking about that strange looking piece of popcorn and decide that it's not me who's flawed. It's the married/engaged/knocked up people. I have dogs and a sad looking emaciated potplant. Every so often I remember the pot plant exists ( mainly because it can't whine) and I water it. This is really hard work for me to remember because it's somewhat out of sight. I am pleased to report said plant now has one tiny orange flower. Score 1 for my nurturing side. I realise not everyone is quite so absent minded as I am but I also know you can't just water a baby and expect it to grow. Well, you can but that doesn't mean it'll happen. So I asked the question I'd been wondering all along - "For the love of all things that smell good...WHY?" A tiny part of me died when I got the answer - "when you know, you just know"................................................................................................................................................WTF.
When you know what? That clearly you are retarded and the 12 years we spent together at school was a complete waste of your I'm-just-gonna-break-a-world-record-for-fastest-kid-popping-out time and that the noise I heard earlier was not someone's tyre bursting it was in fact, your last two brain cells colliding. Yes, this part I have realised. So thank you.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Technology
While waiting for something witty and funny to strike me for a work proposal earlier this evening, I somehow managed (like always) to stop thinking about work and let the little that's left of my mind to wander to significantly less important thoughts. I ended up thinking about the person I would be had I lived 100 years ago. Now back tracking myself in time is not unusual for me, I just usually end up in the 70s...when no one knew the dangers of smoking, drugs, alcohol or too much sun and frankly, the music was better. So this is a new one for me. Now, in order for this to make as much sense as possible I should probably explain a few things about me:
1. I facebook. Alot
2. I email. Alot
3. I follow cyanide & happiness. You guessed it...Alot.
4. I'm a geek girl. Not so far as to say I watch anime, but I game, I fix my own laptop, I perv at hardware and I laugh at binary jokes.
So with this in mind, I'm not sure there'd be much left of me as a person if I didn't have the above mentioned things to pretend my life has a greater meaning. Especially when it comes to dating. If there are no cyber geek technology minded sick & twisted and down right psychotic men in the world...Who would I date? And how?
How did women all those years ago do it without instant messaging, email and facebook? Now I'm not the type to meet men like this but given that I travel a fair amount for work, I do keep in contact this way...I like to think it reminds us both that we still exist. I like the fact that I can not be able to sleep and have somewhere to post my futile thoughts on existence. I talk to my dog too, poor soul, but somehow I don't think he's listening. ( possibly the snoring that gave that away, but I'm fairly sure he's faking it. I don't blame him )
So without all this, what are we left with? Letters? I highly doubt that would work considering the amount of time they take to deliver said letter I have probably racked up another failed relationship. Which rounds me off to my point. People got married 100 years ago and were stuck with the same person for the rest of their lives not out of devotion and love, but simply from a lack of Facebook and instant messaging.
1. I facebook. Alot
2. I email. Alot
3. I follow cyanide & happiness. You guessed it...Alot.
4. I'm a geek girl. Not so far as to say I watch anime, but I game, I fix my own laptop, I perv at hardware and I laugh at binary jokes.
So with this in mind, I'm not sure there'd be much left of me as a person if I didn't have the above mentioned things to pretend my life has a greater meaning. Especially when it comes to dating. If there are no cyber geek technology minded sick & twisted and down right psychotic men in the world...Who would I date? And how?
How did women all those years ago do it without instant messaging, email and facebook? Now I'm not the type to meet men like this but given that I travel a fair amount for work, I do keep in contact this way...I like to think it reminds us both that we still exist. I like the fact that I can not be able to sleep and have somewhere to post my futile thoughts on existence. I talk to my dog too, poor soul, but somehow I don't think he's listening. ( possibly the snoring that gave that away, but I'm fairly sure he's faking it. I don't blame him )
So without all this, what are we left with? Letters? I highly doubt that would work considering the amount of time they take to deliver said letter I have probably racked up another failed relationship. Which rounds me off to my point. People got married 100 years ago and were stuck with the same person for the rest of their lives not out of devotion and love, but simply from a lack of Facebook and instant messaging.
The dictionary defines religion as follows:
1. the service and worship of God or the supernatural 2. commitment or devotion to religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices 3. a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith 4. scrupulous conformity
It also defines religionless as follows:
1. destitute of religion
Religionless is referenced to in classic literature:
--Picture to yourself, oh fair young reader, a worldly, selfish, graceless, thankless, religionless old woman, writhing in pain and fear, and without her wig. Vanity Fair by Thackeray, William Makepeace
That kinda implies all those without religion are also without happiness.
I have faith I just don't have the cause, principle or system of beliefs. And while I may not live a devoted life in service to God I like to think I don't do anything contrary to that. Well, not in so many words. OK fine, God is watching etc.. I mock the occassional idiot. After watching a travel show on the telly not so long ago it got me thinking, namely about:
What's the deal with the hats?
I have been to countless churches/places of worship. Clearly I'm missing something. Many religions are pretty insistent about covering your head, I realise this practice is referenced to in the bible..so is not shaving and cutting your hair and the eating of certain foods. Here's a random thought.. maybe if they were allowed to shave the bush it wouldn't have burst into flames ( just putting it out there ). Anyhow, this particular group of scrupulous conformists adorned their shiny pips with what can only be described as a mix of Marvin the Martian's nifty headgear and well, a gold broom. So they are added to my list of hat people. Are they really onto something there? Who knows, perhaps I should fashion myself a tinfoil hat, that would serve 2 purposes.. a. would provide me with an antenna of sorts to our divine being and b. would protect me against aliens. which is awesome, unless said divine being is an alien..less awesome.
Secondly, how far are some people willing to go?
Our Marvin inspired fellas and their townsfolk also have a super system of spinning prayer wheels. These wheels have a prayer painted or stuck on them and many wheels are placed around the place of worship ( which I will now refer to as Monktown ). The main objective here is for the dwellers of Monktown, and tourists if they so wish, to spin these wheels as much as possible. Why, you ask? Well that's simple.. the more you spin the wheels the better your next life will be. Now personally I can't think of a better way to spend this life..spinning a fairly large wheel or two and ensuring my next life measures significantly lower on the suck-ter scale. Now while this is fairly humbling to watch I get pissed off with myself and end up thinking "why..can't..I..just..be..like..that and do those..kinds..of things with the required devotion. dammit..things would be so much easier" ( please note, the spaces included are not included because it takes me that much longer to formulate those words, it's because I'd more than likely be smacking my forehead at the same time.)
I wonder what goes through the head's of these Monktownians, I suppose spinning a wheel once or twice and not going bald prematurely in their next life would probably be a plus for some of the men. I guess that's a good enough reason? Now there's a concept for you, spinning a wheel and waiting for a better outcome. Why haven't we thought about incorporating that into our lives.. say in a casino perhaps.. hmm? Takes alot of something to spend your day doing that, that's for sure, especially if you happen to be the unlucky sod who spins the wheel one too many times rendering all previous spins redundant. That would really suck..frantically spinny wheel, spinny wheel, spinny wheel.. *poof - next life* guess what? you're back in front of that wheel with a funny hat on your head. SUCKER!
There are many things I'd love to see, Dime play again, world pea...hmm...alright yes, world peace, block of cheese spawn arms n legs and parachute off the end of the kitchen table screaming, "eeeeeeeEEEEEaaagle...." The list continues, but I can tell you I'd love to see all the spritual leaders and heads of churches and religions etc gather around the Pearly Gates all waiting in bated breath for the head honcho himself to beckon them forth. All clearly adamant they are right and 'you'll soon see' like. After the puff of smoke disappears and everyone's eyes are glued to what will soon be their divine answer, after all their devotion, their random acts of religion and beliefs, the services, the singing, the stale cracker eating, the early Sunday mornings, the hats, the everything. They look up to see the one and only Giant Green Space Lobster..sitting.. tapping his claws together and smiling as much as any lobster can.
1. the service and worship of God or the supernatural 2. commitment or devotion to religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices 3. a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith 4. scrupulous conformity
It also defines religionless as follows:
1. destitute of religion
Religionless is referenced to in classic literature:
--Picture to yourself, oh fair young reader, a worldly, selfish, graceless, thankless, religionless old woman, writhing in pain and fear, and without her wig. Vanity Fair by Thackeray, William Makepeace
That kinda implies all those without religion are also without happiness.
I have faith I just don't have the cause, principle or system of beliefs. And while I may not live a devoted life in service to God I like to think I don't do anything contrary to that. Well, not in so many words. OK fine, God is watching etc.. I mock the occassional idiot. After watching a travel show on the telly not so long ago it got me thinking, namely about:
What's the deal with the hats?
I have been to countless churches/places of worship. Clearly I'm missing something. Many religions are pretty insistent about covering your head, I realise this practice is referenced to in the bible..so is not shaving and cutting your hair and the eating of certain foods. Here's a random thought.. maybe if they were allowed to shave the bush it wouldn't have burst into flames ( just putting it out there ). Anyhow, this particular group of scrupulous conformists adorned their shiny pips with what can only be described as a mix of Marvin the Martian's nifty headgear and well, a gold broom. So they are added to my list of hat people. Are they really onto something there? Who knows, perhaps I should fashion myself a tinfoil hat, that would serve 2 purposes.. a. would provide me with an antenna of sorts to our divine being and b. would protect me against aliens. which is awesome, unless said divine being is an alien..less awesome.
Secondly, how far are some people willing to go?
Our Marvin inspired fellas and their townsfolk also have a super system of spinning prayer wheels. These wheels have a prayer painted or stuck on them and many wheels are placed around the place of worship ( which I will now refer to as Monktown ). The main objective here is for the dwellers of Monktown, and tourists if they so wish, to spin these wheels as much as possible. Why, you ask? Well that's simple.. the more you spin the wheels the better your next life will be. Now personally I can't think of a better way to spend this life..spinning a fairly large wheel or two and ensuring my next life measures significantly lower on the suck-ter scale. Now while this is fairly humbling to watch I get pissed off with myself and end up thinking "why..can't..I..just..be..like..that and do those..kinds..of things with the required devotion. dammit..things would be so much easier" ( please note, the spaces included are not included because it takes me that much longer to formulate those words, it's because I'd more than likely be smacking my forehead at the same time.)
I wonder what goes through the head's of these Monktownians, I suppose spinning a wheel once or twice and not going bald prematurely in their next life would probably be a plus for some of the men. I guess that's a good enough reason? Now there's a concept for you, spinning a wheel and waiting for a better outcome. Why haven't we thought about incorporating that into our lives.. say in a casino perhaps.. hmm? Takes alot of something to spend your day doing that, that's for sure, especially if you happen to be the unlucky sod who spins the wheel one too many times rendering all previous spins redundant. That would really suck..frantically spinny wheel, spinny wheel, spinny wheel.. *poof - next life* guess what? you're back in front of that wheel with a funny hat on your head. SUCKER!
There are many things I'd love to see, Dime play again, world pea...hmm...alright yes, world peace, block of cheese spawn arms n legs and parachute off the end of the kitchen table screaming, "eeeeeeeEEEEEaaagle...." The list continues, but I can tell you I'd love to see all the spritual leaders and heads of churches and religions etc gather around the Pearly Gates all waiting in bated breath for the head honcho himself to beckon them forth. All clearly adamant they are right and 'you'll soon see' like. After the puff of smoke disappears and everyone's eyes are glued to what will soon be their divine answer, after all their devotion, their random acts of religion and beliefs, the services, the singing, the stale cracker eating, the early Sunday mornings, the hats, the everything. They look up to see the one and only Giant Green Space Lobster..sitting.. tapping his claws together and smiling as much as any lobster can.
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